Chuck Norris facts...
- Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris does.
- It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
- Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
- When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
- Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list af animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits
- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
- Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.
- Chuck Norris has to speeds. Walk and kill.
- Faster than a speeding bullet...more powerful than a locomotive...able to leap tall buildings in a single bound...yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
- Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as Sir Beatdown.
- Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
- In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
- Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE desides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football...in that order.
- Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11...a suicide.
- Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
- The word "Kill" was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were "Die", "Beer", and "What".
- It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.
- There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
- Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
- Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours.
- There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
- In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
- Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
- When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
- Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
- The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
- For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
- Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
- Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
- Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
- The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
- The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
Kommentarer
Postat av: Pia
Såja...
Fast jag har fått iväg 4 idag så du får jobba på för att närma dig ;-)
Postat av: Camilla
Ha, ha, attans vad jag inser att jag inte visste knappt inget alls om Norrisen!
:-)
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